Hate ♥ Love. Can't have both.

And into the waters of life, the demons poured their poison of malice, hate, and revenge. Since then, every living creature that  sprung forth into being has been tainted by evil. The light came to save and deliver. A victory was won. But the choice was still theirs to make. The creatures had to decide. To choose the light, or to succumb to the darkness that never ceases to hunt and rob them of their souls....

The light is beautiful and delightful. I love my God and want more than ever to be eternally united with Him. But the stain of evil still has it's mark on me. In my heart there grows poisonous vines of bitterness and hate. The child of a venomous dagger that was plunged into it by another. I was hurt by someone. I am still being hurt by that someone. And the only thing that I can think about these days is how much I hate that someone. Perhaps I even take delight in it? And as the poison spreads the darkness surrounds.

I can barely see the light now....in the far of distance. And prayers and praise I have forgotten. My dying heart whispers a name. Jesus. Jesus. Save me. Oh how I miss to be in His embrace. How I miss to be counted as friend.

But I find it so hard to forgive...So hard to let go of the hate. I wonder if it is too late. If I had let it grow into a monster that I'm to weak to now tame...

But I know I must find a way. To let love triumph over the darkness...so that I may gain my Lord, who is love itself. 

Hate and Love. I cannot have both...

Alas it is so difficult... 

Becoming a child again...

Who is more free? The adult or the child?

The child is more free.

A child can do, say, wear, act, whatever he/she wants without caring about what other people think or say. They can act silly, they can be honest, they can pull up their pants high, and go about their lives unaffected by what people think. They don't worry if there is chocolate smudged all over their face. Or if there's something in their hair (that should not be there).

This is real freedom. Freedom to be who they are. But as they grow up, most of them lose that freedom because we (adults) teach them that they should care what other people think. And they become caged like most us are.

How many of us will dare do a silly dance in public just for fun? We give up a lot of freedom for something called "respect".

Of course I am in no way suggesting that children should not be taught to respect and be considerate.

But they should not be robbed of their freedom.

It's going to be hard...but I'm going to try to become a child again.

To look at life from a bigger point of view. At the end of the day, would it matter if I cared about how people think I should dress or look or behave? How are their concerns going to benefit me? Will it bring me more joy?

I don't think so.

Matthew 18:1-4
At this time the disciples came to Jesus and said, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?'
So he called a little child to him whom he set among them. Then he said, 'In truth I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. And so, the one who makes himself as little as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.

When Pride Stands in the Way of ♥

Dearly Beloved,

Just as everyday,
You never fail to bless,
Your wayward lover with daily bread.
So with every always,
Never I fail to transgress,
And cause you hurts, for that which I dread.

Can you forgive me...
These tears I've caused,
And sadness which could never pause?
I find myself lost in a far off place.
I won't let you reach me, I won't let you chase.
And yet I thirst for your sweet sweet presence.
How can I endure much longer?

***

And in the quite whispers I found....
Amidst the heartache that know no bounds...

***

Remember my love, my little one.
And how I long to share myself with you.
Could you think your falls would cause me to shun?
Alas if you only knew...

Throw your pride onto the ground.

No crime you commit could chase me away.
If you but ask, all is forgiven,
If you but seek, all is forgotten.
And you will find yourself in my arms once more,
My tender embrace to complete,
Is quicker than a speeding arrow aimed at the heart.

But my little one...know this.
I cannot go where you won't let me in.

***

And once again I was his...

***

The story:

I was appalled at how quickly I could shift from being Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde. With one moment being deep in prayer and the next finding gossip on my lips. From being wrapped in the wonders of the sweet Rosary, to lapping up the contempt against some poor soul.

There are no words to describe my sorrow and shame.

But the Lord knows we are dust, and I trust in His Mercy. Amen.

For more on God's mercy see here.

A Promise ♥ Forgotten

Dear Beloved,

Yesterday... before falling into the land of dreams,
Where nothing is ever what is seems,
I whispered into the cold dark night,
But also into your brilliant light,
That I should spend this very day...
Thinking of you in every way.

But last night's dreams came up in a whirl,

And dragged me down as its stories unfurled,
And when alas I finally awoke,
So far from memory was that which I spoke.

The silent promise I made to stay,
In your dear company...was miles away.
And so I busied myself with useless things,
I ignored my love, the King of kings.

And now when I dwell on your lovely presence,
I can only implore you accept my repentance,
So that once again may I on your face see,
Your sweet gentle smile while I sit close to thee.

***
http://snapartpoem.blogspot.com/2009/09/promise-forgotten.html