One of my constant and regrettable faults is that every time I fall into sin, I turn my mind away from God, consciously avoiding all thoughts about him… just like the child who avoids looking into his or her parents’ eyes after having done something wrong—afraid to see the angry look upon their faces. If I only knew/remembered at that moment after the fall, that what I would have seen (if I didn’t turn my face away) were not the angry judgmental eyes of a punishing God but the sad gentle loving eyes of the merciful God. But since I was looking the other way, I didn’t, and so left his presence. I didn’t open my heart to his gentle call to come back. And so I delved deeper into darkness. Feeling sad, miserable, and rotten all around, I made everyone else around me suffer, sinking deeper and deeper and deeper…
The farther and farther away one is from God, the harder and harder it gets to go back to him. The senses become confused and muddled, and it’s ever so easy to get lost. I get lost a lot. But God has blessed me with friends and family who keep praying for me. And so God comes to me in those dark nights, as gentle as the soft breeze blowing, and offers me his hand. Then I see the soft eyes that I should have seen earlier. All I have to do is say sorry, and he will forgive me. I do, and he does. If only I had remembered his mercy…I would have been saved from so much misery. This life is filled with too many “If only-s”. Thankfully though, God’s in charge.
“As a shepherd looks after his flock when he is with his scattered sheep, so shall I look after my sheep. I shall rescue them from wherever they have been scattered on the day of clouds and darkness… I shall look for the lost one, bring back the stray, bandage the injured and make the sick strong. I shall watch over the fat and healthy. I shall be a true shepherd to them.” Ezekial 34: 12; 16
God is a God of Mercy. More on this subject soon.